We all have a vice. Mine are French fries. I found myself gobbling down my son's cold, soggy, and bland French fries at a football game recently. Were they the greatest French fries ever? Certainly not.
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If you have ever had the good fortune of being in the cockpit as a pilot prepares for takeoff, you’ll notice they have a “before takeoff checklist” prominently posted. It involves checking every aspect of the plane to make sure it can run properly.
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“Inside a community, everything can be handled.” I recently heard this quote and it really stuck with me. I am a deep believer in the power of community.
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As Tony Robbins once said, “The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships.” Okay, great. But how do we ensure our relationships are adding value to our lives instead of detracting value? What can we do to enhance our relationships?
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I have been working in private practice for 12 years. Every year, I take great pride in my work ethic, effort, and overall hustle. I genuinely am grateful for the work that I get to do; I get fulfillment, receive compensation, am challenged by my job, and have the autonomy to pick and choose when I do it. And yet, for the first time in my 12-year coaching career, I decided to take a, wait for it…. (deep gasp) … break.
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I was born deaf in my left ear. I am not sure exactly how it happened, but my entire life I have had to adjust where I sit, walk, and how I approach people with my left ear in mind. Early in my life, I adjusted instinctively, but as I grew older I remember making intentional decisions to put myself in positions to minimize the impact the deafness would have on my conversations with people.
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I am fortunate to be the son of an entrepreneur and work with many others who are building ideas into companies. The mindset of an entrepreneur fascinates me; it’s complex and paradoxical. For many, their inner dialogue sounds something like this:
“I believe I can do this.” And… “I believe this will all go away tomorrow.”
Five years ago, I had a conversation with a head coach of a professional sports team. I asked him if he would rather be a team with a target on their back because they were a top dog or the team who was David and was trying to slay the goliath.
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The more I work with leaders in organizations, the more I am convinced of the power of culture. Yet, most people are fuzzy about what culture actually means. As a result, it can become a meaningless buzzword. Here’s how I have come to understand it.
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For me, there is a distinction between motivation and inspiration. I have a good sense of what motivates me and try to consistently refresh my motivating factors for success.
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Something I wish I knew when I was younger... When someone's going through something difficult, saying nothing (out of fear of saying the wrong thing), is typically worse than saying the "wrong" thing.
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I posed this question to myself recently. If I could only pick one of these, which one would I want on my tombstone?
World-Class Writer
World-Class Coach
World-Class Speaker
World-Class Podcaster
World-Class Dad
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Sport Psychology education, sales training, and executive coaching taught me to avoid closed-ended questions as if they were the plague. I was told they lead people to give one-word answers. And yet, I am starting to believe that the best questions on my podcast and in my 1-on-1 coaching sessions are often closed-ended.
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The best football catches occur when the QB makes a bad throw—think of Justin Jefferson’s catch last year versus the Bills. The best golf shots typically occur after bad shots—think of Bubba Watson at the Masters. The best saves in hockey occur from defensive breakdowns—think of a goalie standing on their head to make a save.
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This may be controversial, but it's what I believe. You don't have to train your mind to be great. You don't have to read, listen to podcasts, meditate, take ice baths, etc. It may work for others, but there’s no shame if it doesn’t work for you. Each of us needs to find our own way.
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Stop being so sensitive. I can hear my brother’s voices as 13-year-old Brian is starting to become a man. I hear it in my fraternity brothers while in college. And I can even hear it in my friends and people that are closest to me today. As long as I can remember, I have felt that sensitivity has been part of my wiring; in my DNA, so to speak. As a kid, I didn’t know what to do with it. I could feel things others seemingly didn’t, or at least they didn’t acknowledge they did. I was emotional. Boys are often told to be stoic. Brush it off. Don’t cry. Be tough. Heck, forget being tough, you just are tough. Like sensitivity, it’s part of your wiring.
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A lack of boundaries often leads to bitterness and resentment. I have frequently put a desire to be well-liked over a desire to set boundaries, and surprisingly it leads to being less well-liked. Let me explain further. Boundaries need to be front-loaded. They create expectations. When we set our intentions up-front, we create clarity; when we don’t, we create clutter. Many of us create stories and assumptions when boundaries aren’t in place. It’s in those stories that drama thrives. Boundaries are about truth over hearsay.
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Relationships are huge for sales/revenue. Systems are huge for growth; they allow us to unlock our potential and make performing easier, especially in a group context. Systems lead to better implementation. They are about “best practice.” Think of them as a philosophy; the way we want to play, sell, operate, etc. Great systems create efficiencies that reduce friction. Find a consistently performing organization and you will most likely find great systems. Systems are about unlocking potential.
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Asking a question we know the answer to is condescending. Stop doing it. Don’t do it. You are wasting your time and that of the people you serve. We are often trained to do so, and I believe it’s a mistake. If you know the answer to something you are far better off asking for permission to share your answer than asking a question you already have an answer to.
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The best learning typically occurs AFTER we have a baseline of competence. Competence is simply the ability to do something successfully or efficiently.
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